Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston

I just had to post this here. I read Bill Simmons who writes here for ESPN.com. For a good primer on Simmons read his article on the Rocky movies. Recently he has started letting his wife, "the Sports Gal" write a few words that he puts on the side of his column. Here is what she wrote that just caused me to crack up.

I used to really like Angelina Jolie. Ever since she starred in "Gia," I admired her flawless natural beauty, as well as the many character flaws that made her more likable and less threatening overall. Maybe she was a recovering drug addict, a cutter, a brother kisser, and a blood vile-wearing skank who looked like she showered once a week, but she didn't care what others thought and was totally comfortable going out in public without tons of makeup on. So that made her likable, at least to me. Even when she married Billy Bob Thornton, who's absolutely disgusting, I didn't hold it against her.

Then everything changed: She adopted Maddox, became a goodwill ambassador, started making normal movies and slowly made everyone forget that she was crazy. Next, she seduced and stole the husband of one of the most likable female celebs, adopted another baby with her stolen man, then had his biological child months before his divorce was even done. Now she travels all over the world in private jets wasting fuel and pretending to do nice things when we all know she's really a husband-stealing witch. But what really turned me into a full fledged Angelina hater was this month's Vogue article about her, with Angelina smugly pushing for peace talks between her and Jennifer Aniston, even having the gall to say, "That would be her decision, and I would welcome it." If I were Jennifer Aniston, I would welcome it, too. Then I would meet Angelina for lunch and repeatedly smash a chair over her head.

That is some funny stuff. This is a cage fight waiting to happen.

The next great American movie

I have signed up for this screenwriting lab from the Brehm Center at Fuller which I am pretty excited about. I mailed the form yesterday and then last night before I went to sleep I was thinking about my screenplay which will involve a young novelist who writes a bestseller that Hollywood wants to make into a movie. He reluctantly agrees but once he gets into the process he struggles with the director and producers portrayal of his story. The characters and story that he creates get mangled in the hands of Hollywood (lots of potential tongue in cheek h-wood bashing references ie. Lindsay Lohan gets cast as the female lead which of course infuriates the writer etc.) and so he decides to pull the plug. But it is too late because of the contract he signed so he gets released as a "creative consultant" and they bring in Quentin Tarentino instead and the movie slowly starts morphing into some ode to Martial Arts and Blacksploitation films from the 60's and 70's and soon scarcely resembles the original book.

I don't know, something along those lines.

Or I could dust off an old idea that my friend Joe and I had in college called Damn It, which is about a clown who can't find any work because of the movie/book It and so he plots to kill Stephen King. A dark comedy.

Check your local listings in a few years.

Cobwebs

Cough Cough. Man it is dusty in here. Is the maid on vacation?

Anyway it has been a long time. Of course I told you from the beginning that if you haven't heard from me in awhile then I was probably felling a little apathetic. Well school is out for me until February and so I have been in vacation mode for about a week and a half which translates into no motivation to blog (or do much of anything else).

I just need Christmas to be over already. Christmas went from being one day to being about a month and a half long. It is just somewhat draining.

Anyway this Christmas you should all buy Songs for Christmas by Sufjan Stevens and pop it on and just enjoy the sounds of the season. If you do the iTunes thing Sufjan is the free single of the week. Check it out.